I need to figure out how to be gayer.

It’s been years and years and years since I’ve been out of the closet. Even so I keep getting ‘friend’ requests from young and very buxom women who urge me, in no uncertain terms, to admire their beauty and hint at the availability of much closer contact.

To say that I’m spectacularly not interested is a massive understatement. Kinsey developed a 6 point scale between exclusively heterosexual and fabulously ‘to the last drop’ homosexual, and on that scale I’m all musicals, muscles and moisturisers. People often say that I don’t look gay, and I always think, well you don’t look ignorant. Let me assure you I look at the world through a gay lens, and my world is pretty.

Enough of that.

From the outset these ‘friend invitations’ bothered me. The girls are all so young, well, young to a 64 year old man. They, none of them, look fragile, but I think that may be hidden behind the makeup and the costumes they wear to entice males to click the button connecting them. I wonder if they worry about who might be clicking ‘friend’ I hope they are worried about who is clicking ‘friend’.

They all look so young.

I never accept the friend request, I always indicate that the request was ‘spam’ when asked by Facebook, and I worry that I might be making moral judgements and that I should just leave it at a declined friendship. Yikes, why is my natural reaction to think about the ramifications of what I’m doing. But, whatever, I consider the requests spam and wish I wouldn’t get any more.

Not because they mistake me for a potential much more than friend.

But because they are so freaking young.

Some of them look like they’ve just left the playground and now are on very dangerous ground. If there are trolls on the Internet there are the truly dangerous in the real world.

Do any of the rest of you get these and what do you do in response to those requests?