More than a few decades ago, I was a very different person. I mishandled a number of personal and professional relationships.
Because a deep belief in my own unworth, I saw slights in sometimes the most innocent of gestures.
I mistrusted friendships because my sole thought was that I was unlikable and hurt was the inevitable outcome.
As a result I became unlikable and ended up hurting others. Joe and I had some blistering fights, at my core I knew I wasn’t his equal and I used my anger to try and level the playing field. How he stuck through that time I will never know.
Yes I have been bullied and teased all my life.
Yes I have been hurt, purposely, over and over again.
No, I didn’t have to have a future scared by the acid of the past.
No, I could become a person made by my own hands not the hands of others before.
I am still not the person I want to become. But I can see him, I can feel him and I can hear his voice on occasion.
Even very recently I had to do what I’ve been doing as part of this journey.
I have been working on building my physical strength but the work of building my character muscles is exhausting.
I am 64 and still chasing the person I want to be.
I wonder if I’ll ever shake his hand.