My strategy was to go to the ‘designated kind person’ route. I spoke to a couple of people at work who I really thought wouldn’t mind. It was hard doing this because I can’t think of a single person at work who would mind. Most probably I went with people I felt comfortable asking for help. I chose well, they agreed without question. That’s when I really kind of discovered that once or twice daily may be a little closer to ‘a lot’ thank I’m good with.
Even so, I went with this system. Even if there was someone else I could ask, I’d wait for my designated kind person to come by, or I’d call for them. They were always good about it. But I noticed that those who were closer, or those of whom it would have been more natural to ask for help, seemed to wonder why they had been excluded from the request.
I had been exploiting the kindness of a couple people because of my discomfort in asking other people. I laid it all on them. I know, I know, I know, it didn’t bother them and, in fact, they seemed to enjoy helping out, but that didn’t matter. It wasn’t their help I was using, I was using them to avoid asking others. I was using them when I didn’t need to … a kind of exploitation of their niceness.
Well, a couple weeks ago I stopped doing that. Nice does not mean, up for exploitation. Nice does not mean being on an exclusive list to be helpful. Nice does not mean ‘use me’.
So, as I joke about this, “I spread the joy around.” I was right, everyone at the office is nice about it. No one minds giving a quick hand. And two people are no longer on the hook for my every single need, it’s shared around by who’s around. It was hard for me to start asking others, there’s a vulnerability in acknowledging need and accepting help, but I needed to do something to ensure that someone’s niceness doesn’t land them the responsibility of meeting every single need for help that I have.
Nice has boundaries.
Nice should never be exploited. (even by me)
Nice should always have the ability to say, ‘No’. (even to me)