Rolling Around In My Head doing damns the darkness/ A Blog By Dave Hingsburger

Not So Much

I saw them at the mall. So did everyone else. He was tall and strong. His tight tee shirt emphasized his lean, strong, torso. He obviously took care of himself, he obviously thought that mattered. He obviously wanted others to notice. His tight tee, stretched across his muscular chest and his arms bulging against the restraint of his shirt, told us that. Beside him and a little behind. Walked a


I sat waiting, for a long time, outside the accessible toilet. The green light had indicated that it was in use and I had tested the door to see if it was locked. It was. Time passes slowly when you are desperate to pee. When the door opens, a couple stumbles out. They do not have an obvious disability and this makes them both talk quickly, telling the same story.


I’m back. When I fell ill we had several trips booked, airplane tickets bought, hotel rooms sorted. We have never been so organized. It felt good, until Joe, while I lay in a hospital bed, had to cancel everything. It was brutal. So I’ve not been working at anything but my regular full time job for several months now. It’s been good to get a rest but difficult to feel

Good Thing or Bad Thing

I had just gotten myself positioned at the cable machine to do punches, straight ahead, upwards, downwards. I’d increased the weights and had tried a couple of punches to see how I’d do, it was doable but work. I’d been so focused that I didn’t notice him standing there, waiting for me to notice him. I stopped, looked up at him and said hello. He mentioned that it was nice

A Good Sleep

“So, I heard you’d been really sick,” she said, standing at my door. My door at work is almost always open. I like to be accessible, I like people to feel they can pop in and say ‘hi’ or come in for a chat when I’m able to. I also like the feel of this place. We offer therapy here to people with disabilities who have experienced violence, abuse, trauma

Lucky to be Free?

Yep. Had all sorts of plans for today. Got up and didn’t want to do them. Wanted to watch T.V. Wanted to surf the web. Wanted to make a spaghetti sauce. Wanted to spend time with tea and a book. Wanted to spend the day in my housecoat. Planned to go to the gym. Planned to go to the mall. Planned to pick up a book waiting for me at

The Reason Why

He was sitting, at a table in a busy food court, looking very, very, alone. He kept an eye on his mom who was in the line up to pick up some lunch for them. Across from him were a table where sat two elderly couples. They had noticed that he had Down Syndrome. They were staring at him. Pointing at him Talking about him. They knew he could hear

Nice Unaware Untrained Unthinking Love

Self Advocates when read this warning of language that might be offensive to you. careful. I am, when advocating for things like the right to pee, almost always told that prejudice, specifically ableism and disphobia, do not exist. I’m not sure if it’s because they think that non disabled people are too nice to be prejudice or if we are simply not worthy of the bother of prejudice. But, whatever


An accessible toilet has been made inaccessible. The door used to swing both ways, which is more important than you can imagine when you need access to the loo. I used this toilet all the time, I’d swing the door out, then back in beside the toilet, then swing the door closed. Easy peasy. Then, I went and found that the door had been made inaccessible because they put a


Easter. For awhile there, especially after first admitted to the hospital, I wondered if I’d be here right now. I wondered, further, if I wanted to be here. I was tired. I was sick. I thought maybe I was done. Then. Every time Joe came into the room. I knew I wasn’t finished. Every time Marissa and the girls came to visit. I knew I wasn’t finished. Every time my

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