IMG_00000224_edit_edit

 

Image description: A line drawing of a pillow with and indentation where the heat and shoulders were. The words ‘my pillow misses me’ are above and below the image.

This morning when the alarm went off at a few minutes after 4, I woke from the most amazing dream. I bed was warm, I was snuggled perfectly up against my pillow which had, over the night, bunched and gathered into exactly the right shape. I looked at the clock and I realized that I really had no desire to get up and do my exercises. I pushed back the wake up time by an hour and twenty minutes and snuggled back down into bed. Decision made.

Then.

I struggled against the realization that I was so much stronger now than before. That I felt more alert and more engaged in the mornings than I did, even with an extra hours sleep. That the wheelchair was becoming more and more manoeuvrable by the day because my arms were becoming stronger and stronger by day. Suddenly, I was sitting up. Then getting up, Then making my way down the hall to my desk. I was late in starting, which meant that I’d have to rush to make the bus.

Then.

All the way through I thought about the rush and the lateness in starting. I began to calculate which of the exercises I could reasonably leave out and still feel like I’d done a good work out. I ran through the 6 parts of my routine. Could I cut this one? Didn’t I already exercises my legs in segment one, did I need to do it again in segment 3. What about segment 5? It’s hard and I still don’t have the overhead tricep extensions down right, can’t get the form, maybe I could skip it this time … I was short of time after all.

Then.

I’m on the cool down. I didn’t cut any of the sections. I made sure I did them all. I didn’t want the forces of
‘I donwanna’ to win. It was a race to get everything done in time and out into the hallway in time for my hallway walk … but that got done and I was in my chair pushing myself down the hallway.

Then.

I was on the bus on the way to work.

Then.

I pictured my bed and my pillow and the alarm clock and I just know that I’ve go to do the same damn battle tomorrow morning.

Shit.