Selfadvocatenet.com in support of Movember Men Health
Movember is an annual event in November where people grow moustaches to raise awareness and funds for men’s health issues, including prostate cancer, testicular cancer, and mental health and suicide prevention. Participants can also raise funds by walking or running 60km, hosting events, or creating their own challenges to support the Movember Foundation‘s global initiatives.
The name is a portmanteau of “mo” (an Australian term for moustache) and “November”.
Movember was started in 2003 by two mates from Australia. Travis Garone and Luke Slattery jokingly decided to bring back in fashion the moustache by convincing their friends to grow one. Inspired by a friend’s mother who was fundraising for breast cancer, they associated the moustache with the pink ribbon, but for men.
On November 19, International Men’s Day celebrates worldwide the positive value men bring to the world, their families and communities. We highlight positive role models and raise awareness of men’s well-being.
The theme for 2025 is “Celebrating Men and Boys.”
Men face a series of health challenges that need to be address in order to have our communities function to their fullest potential.
Current research tells us that
- men have a suicide rate 3 times higher than women
- 1 in 3 men have been the victims of domestic violence
- men on average die 4-5 years before women
- men are nearly twice as likely to suffer from lung cancer than women
- men are nearly twice as likely to suffer from heart disease than women
6 Pillars of International Mens Day
International Men’s Day is set aside to recognize and celebrate men’s various achievements and contributions worldwide. It is celebrated annually on November 19th and was first celebrated in 1999. International Men’s Day is also a day set aside to collaborate towards achieving shared objectives applied equally to men and boys irrespective of age, ability, social background, ethnicity, sexuality, gender identity, religious belief, and relationship status
It is celebrated annually on November 19th and was first celebrated in 1999. Each year, the theme emphasizes the six significant pillars of International Men’s Day, which are: To promote male role models, to celebrate the contribution that men make, to focus on men’s health and wellbeing, to highlight discrimination against men the inequalities that men and boys face, to improve gender relations and promote gender equality, and to create a safer world for everyone.
- To Promote Male Role Models: Life as we know it is not exactly a bed of roses; therefore, it is essential to take out time on days like this to promote male figures that can be relatable and healthy role models for young boys/men to look up to for guidance through life.This is also known as Mentoring and is highly essential, especially during their development phase. This is the phase where they can make critical decisions that may affect their lives without guidance or strong positive influence
- To celebrate men’s contribution: Thomas Edison invented the first commercially successful light bulb, Michael Faraday invented Electric Motors, Alexander Graham Bell invented the first practical telephone, etc. The list of innovations by men is endless. International men’s day recognizes, highlights, and celebrates the importance of men and their various inventions and contributions.
- To focus on men’s health and wellbeing: There are various myths and misconceptions about the health and wellbeing of men, surrounding issues like prostate cancer, infertility, hereditary health issues, even skin issues, etc. One of the objectives of International men’s day is to create awareness for health issues that are pertaining to men while debunking the various myths surrounding men’s health and wellbeing
- To highlight discrimination against men, and the inequalities that men and boys face: “You are not man enough,” “You don’t act like a man,” “You are too weak to be a man,” etc. Daily, men are brought down with words and face discrimination in various forms. International men’s day is an opportunity to call attention to these discriminations and suggest solutions to end them.
- To improve gender relations and promote gender equality: This year’s International Men’s Day theme. For the longest time, gender inequality has been a real issue globally. There have been many conversations surrounding how to bridge the gender gap and improve gender relations across various sectors, including the industry sector. (Read here on ways to make room for women in the industry sector). Another objective of International men’s day is to hold even more conversations that can birth solutions to improve gender relations and attain gender equality.
- To create a safer world for everyone: The last objective of International Men’s Day is to create a safer world for men, women, the children they birth, and every other person around them. The world gets more insecure daily, and it is up to us to take up being our brother’s keeper as a collective responsibility to ensure a safer world. At Tech4Dev, we play our part by ensuring that through our various programs, we attempt to improve people’s standard of living and keep them away from a life of crime by equipping them with digital skills that are essential in the workplace.
September 2024: Male Victims of Domestic Violence – Distinct Challenges & Barriers to Disclosure and Support
Statistics
The statistics surrounding male victims of domestic violence range quite widely, from 1 in 3 (George Mason U) to 1 in 10 (CDC) men experiencing some form of abuse. A 2014 National Crime Victimization Study found that nearly a quarter (24%) of all domestic violence victims were men, while DomesticShelters.org cites that less than 15% of abuse victims are men. This lack of consistency could be due to differing definitions of what constitutes domestic violence and using different parameters to collect and categorize the data.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline, for example, reports that 1 in 10 men aged 18 and older in the US experience rape, physical violence, and/or stalking. They then also break it down to 1 in 7 men who experience severe physical violence by an intimate partner alone, versus 1 in 19 men who experience stalking, and 1 in 71 who experience rape. The CDC differentiates its sexual abuse statistics, reporting that 1 in 38 men experienced completed or attempted rape and nearly 1 in 4 experienced some form of contact sexual violence in their lifetime. Multiple sources conclude that psychological aggression is the most common form of abuse experienced by men, with almost half of all men having dealt with some sort psychological abuse by an intimate partner, roughly the same rate as women.
The numbers differ substantially when taking sexual orientation and gender identity into account. DomesticShelters.org reports that 26% of gay men and 37% of bisexual men, or 2 in 5 gay or bisexual men overall, experience intimate partner violence in their lifetime. Additionally, a 2020 study found that transgender individuals in general are 1.7 times more likely to experience intimate partner violence than cisgender individuals. Male victims are also less likely to report abuse, even more so than female victims, and may not realize what they are experiencing is abuse, so the actual numbers are probably higher than these estimates. In general, male victims are not as commonly researched as female victims, either, so less data is available.
Barriers to Reporting/Seeking Support
There are a variety of reasons why any victim of domestic violence may not seek support or choose to stay with their abuser. Some barriers, however, are particular to or especially prominent among male-identifying victims:
Stigma/Shame/Embarrassment
The concept of the “Man Box” was developed in 2007 to illustrate a set of beliefs that describe the traditional “ideal male”, what boys and young men are often taught and/or pressured to ascribe to. A “real man” inside this “Man Box” should be self-sufficient, physically attractive, act tough, stick to rigid gender roles in the home, be heterosexual, be hypersexual, use aggression when needed, and have control over women. In a 2011 study, men who align strongly with these “Man Box” cultural norms were found to be more likely to perpetrate violence against women. Male victims of domestic violence described feeling “unmanly”, not aligning with these descriptions, and that these norms hindered their ability to make disclosures and access support. (Sage)
Male victims can feel that they don’t fit the mold of “real men” unless they either fight back or just “take it like a man”. They are often embarrassed or ashamed that they “let” this happen to them, that they didn’t live up to being a “real man”. Whether or not they feel personally emasculated by not fitting this stereotypical masculine role, others may see it that way and shame them, privately or publicly, or treat them differently. In an effort to avoid this, many male victims choose not to report abuse, seek assistance, or even tell anyone about it. Men are also frequently socialized to not express feelings. Thus, male victims may be fearful of showing too much emotion while disclosing or crying and appearing “unmanly”. Not only might they be worried that friends and family would laugh at or belittle them for this vulnerability, but it might be a trigger for their abuser or something they can use to verbally or emotionally abuse the victim.
Disbelief
Male victims are even more likely to not be believed than female victims. They may face scorn or discrimination from law enforcement, medical professionals, and support services, among others, who are skeptical of their story, believing that the “stronger” (male) partner could never be the victim. Male victims are also often treated as a joke in the media and society.
Denial
Male victims especially may feel a reluctance to label their experience as abuse. Men are often socialized to not be victims, to not be “weak”, and so do not want to identify themselves or to be identified by others as such. They may deny, even to themselves, that this could happen to a man. Or, if they do acknowledge internally that they are experiencing abuse, they may believe themselves to be the rare exception to the rule that men cannot be victims and feel isolated and unable or unwilling to admit their situation.
Counter Accusations
Male victims are often concerned that if they attempt to report their partner’s domestic violence toward them, they will be accused of false reporting in order to hide their own abuse of their partner. Male victims may also be reluctant to defend themselves while being physically abused because they don’t want to hurt their partner or because they fear that others (particularly the legal system) would mistake them as the abuser.
Seriousness
For male victims of female abusers in particular, female aggression is often judged less harshly. Men are seen as stronger than women in general, and so women are perceived as unable to cause the same level of physical harm as men, especially toward men. Because of this, physical abuse by females against male victims can be taken less seriously by law enforcement, legal professionals, support services, friends, family, and even victims themselves, who believe that the victim can “handle” it, that they have the ability to physically stop a female from harming them, or that female abusers can’t actually hurt male victims that much.
Unwilling to Leave
It is common for victims of any gender-identity to be reluctant to leave the relationship because they love their partner or feel their children will be better off with their parents together. Male victims may feel a particular responsibility to “fix” the relationship and to continue to provide for the family. Some male victims also fear that their female partner and abuser will get sole custody of the children, feeling that the mother is often favored in custody disputes no matter the circumstances.
Outing
Gay, bisexual, and transgender male victims may not want to report abuse because they are not ready to reveal or be “out” about their sexual orientation or may fear a homophobic or transphobic response. Or, if they are out, they may not want to bring shame to the LGBTQIA+ community as somewhere abuse can happen or is common.
Lack of Resources/Support
Likely because most victims are women, there are not as many resources or as much funding available for male victims. Not as many shelters house male survivors, and there aren’t as many support services that cater to or are educated about the specific issues and needs that male survivors may have. Health care professionals who would ask a woman if certain injuries were caused by domestic violence might not think to ask the same of a man with similar injuries, and thus not provide an opportunity for them to receive assistance.
Secondary Victimization
These barriers not only make it more difficult for male victims to get the support they need, but they can also create even greater distress, aggravating and adding to their victimization. In a study published in 2020, some men reported being under-acknowledged, mistreated, and penalized for seeking help, which stopped them from further attempts to pursue support and potentially put them and their children at additional risk. In many of the instances studied, domestic violence service providers, law enforcement, and other legal entities failed or refused to act, arrest, charge, and/or seek penalties for female perpetrators of abuse against male victims. Overall, male victims who sought help through formal channels often had negative experiences, which worsened their mental health. After experiencing the horror and trauma of being abused, male victims may not only be denied support, but they may be disbelieved, ridiculed, and accused of lying or of covering their own abuse, compounding and re-traumatizing them.
Suggestions for Change
Increased awareness and education about these challenges and barriers faced by male victims of domestic violence, among police, legal professionals, domestic violence advocates, and the general public, can help minimize stigma, shame, and secondary victimization and maximize the potential for support. One study suggests that male victims may respond better to terminology such as “domestic abuse”, “partner abuse”, “relationship boundary crossing”, and “survivor”, as opposed to “domestic violence” and “victim”, as they feel those terms more accurately describe their experience. Additionally, stressing their personal agency in making the choices they feel are best for them may be especially effective for male victims to feel safe to disclose their experience and that seeking support is a strength rather than a vulnerability. More domestic violence programs and services able to support male victims in some way (or at least able to readily point men toward other organizations that do provide help to male victims seeking assistance) could go a long way toward ensuring support is available if they choose to reach out for it. And, as with any victim or survivor, listening and believing without judgment is essential to change the culture of shame that keeps men silent about experiencing abuse.
Resources
While they are fewer and farther between than resources available to women, there are certainly support services available, both those that assist any and all victims and those that cater specifically to male-identifying victims:
DomesticShelters.org – search for shelters and domestic violence programs by zip code and then filter for those who welcome male victims
MenHealing.org – resources for male survivors of sexual abuse, their loved ones, and allies
1 in 6 – information and resources for men who have been sexually abused or assaulted
Male Survivor – resources and community for male survivors, particularly of sexual abuse
Men’s Group – an all-men online support platform and resource center
National Domestic Violence Hotline – any victim of domestic violence can speak to an advocate 24/7 by call, chat, or text
Love Is Respect – information and call/chat/text support geared toward teenagers and young adults, including male-identifying victims
The Network La Red – resources, support groups, programs, and education geared toward lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, kink, polyamorous, and queer communities
DVSN – watch our Speaker Series event on the Men Survivor Experience here; additionally, our toll-free, confidential Help Line is open to anyone living with abuse: 888-399-6111
This is on a website called Domestic Violence Service Network Inc click here
