I sat down the other day to write a post, but I just couldn’t bring myself to it. This is pointing to a problem I’m having with writing this blog.
Here’s what happened that I was going to write about.
We were off the plane, home again in Toronto, and on to get the rental car that would take us home. To get to the rental car I need to get up a long, carpeted, ramp. What I typically do is get near the moving sidewalk and when ready, grab it. It pulls my right arm and with my left I push my right tire with my right arm. It’s a bit of a dance of dexterity but I know how to do it and even enjoy doing it.
I was riding/pushing up the ramp when a woman came careening at me and grabbed the back of my chair before Joe could intervene. I lost control of what I was doing, my right arm nearly got pulled out of it’s socket and I’m hurting. She kept, against our protests, insisting on pushing me and she simply wouldn’t let go. It’s getting a bit loud and now I’m the center of everyone’s attention. In situations like this no one gets why I’m refusing help. Everyone assumes I’m an asshole.
Finally we got her to let go saying, (say it with me) “I was just trying to help.” Then, before I could answer she continued, “I saw you struggling and just wanted to ease that.” At that point, I gave up, I hadn’t been struggling, that means she can’t see me, she sees what she wants to see disability being the Rorschach test for how people see difference.
But I couldn’t write this because, um, haven’t I told this story a thousand times before?
Isn’t everyone tired of hearing me go on about it?
You see it’s the sameness of the experiences that I have as a disabled person that weigh me down, much moreso than an individual incident. I can predict this is going to happen several times a week.
Given the sameness of the experience, how do I write this in a way that’s new for you. Every single day that there hasn’t been a blog written, there was a blog to write – but I don’t want to bore you.
So, I’m struggling.